


Five Times People Were Utterly Oblivious to Their Relationship and One Time It Was Too Obvious to Ignore

by lovesrogue36, Rabbitt



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Biphobia, Car Sex, F/M, Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-25 07:34:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2613593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesrogue36/pseuds/lovesrogue36, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rabbitt/pseuds/Rabbitt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“And I just thought you should hear it from a trusted source first, before it gets all over town.”<br/>Nathan pauses with his cup halfway to his mouth. “What do you mean you saw Duke and Audrey… together?"<br/>“Together.” As if that clarifies everything. He must still look mystified because she lowers her voice and elaborates: “Kissing.”<br/>He chokes on the cookie, coughing and grinning as she slaps him on the back.</p><p>Five cases of confusion and misunderstanding in Haven.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: We do not own Haven nor are we associated with any of the cast or crew.
> 
> The first five chapters are no more than M-rated but the final chapter is definitely more explicit.

“I’m going to tell him. The poor boy needs to know. That Audrey always seemed like such a nice girl to me-”

“Never mind the inconvenient identity crisis,” Gloria mumbles into her tea, not even bothering to refrain from rolling her eyes.

Laverne glares at her as she arranges cookies on a glass plate on Nathan’s desk. “But she’s going to break his heart and I just can’t stand by and let him be blindsided. I’ve known Nathan Wuornos since he was just a grasshopper,” she continues as if Gloria hadn’t spoken, her usual bulldozing over any mention of the Troubles.

Laverne’s quite literally heard it all on the dispatch but it’s her job to spin the Troubles. Some days Gloria wonders if she actually believes her own spin, or if she’s just a master at avoidance.

As well as baking, that is, because these cookies are _delicious._

Laverne slaps her hand as she reaches for another one and Gloria heaves a long-suffering sigh. “Well of course she’s going to break his heart. He’s a sap. He’s asking for it.”

“That is _not_ what I mean!” She purses her lips and glances around as if they aren’t the only ones here this early. “I saw Audrey a couple of days ago, with Duke Crocker. They were parked down the alley by Haven Joe’s in his truck and-”

Laverne looks for a moment as if she’s going to explode, her cheeks pink and her hair standing even more on end than usual.

Leaning in, Gloria stage-whispers, “And what?” Even though she’s pretty sure she knows exactly what.

“And they were kissing. Poor, _poor_ Nathan.” Laverne presses a hand over her mouth, shaking her head. Apparently it’s just such a shame.

“Yeah, poor Nathan.” Gloria gulps at her tea and coughs, rubbing her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Better let the tea cool down a bit before you ambush him. He won’t be able to tell that it’s the temperature of tinfoil on the sun.”

“Aren’t you the least bit shocked?” Laverne demands, fussing over the cookies again and somehow still managing to ignore the Troubles. Maybe that’s _Laverne’s_ Trouble: avoidance. “I thought they were really happy. Anyway, I just can’t stand to see her break his heart without him at least having some idea it’s going on.”

“Sure, sure. What kind of nosy-ass dispatcher would you be?” Gloria snatches an extra cookie and stuffs it in her purse. Before Laverne can protest, the ‘poor dear’ makes his appearance, looking a little ragged around the edges but with that cocky grin that probably means he got laid last night. “Well! You just let me know how all this goes.”

She brushes out past Nathan, who still looks a little baffled and well-screwed in the doorway, and makes a halfhearted attempt to hide her cackling laughter in the too-hot tea.

Nathan stills, hands stuffed in his pockets as he eyes the tea and cookies on his otherwise tidy desk. “Laverne? What’s… going on?”

“Oh good morning, sweetie. Come, come, sit down!”

He hesitates, sniffing slightly, but shuffles over to his desk chair. “What’s all this?”

“Well.” She takes a deep breath, as if she’s about to give him the worst news of his life, (which he really hopes she isn’t because that would have to be pretty horrific news.) “Here, why don’t you have a cookie first? And some tea.” Despite her avoidance skills, she dips a finger into the teacup for a moment to be sure it isn’t too hot before sliding it over to him. Not actually clueless after all.

Nathan dutifully munches on his cookie, knowing better than to try to get Laverne to talk before she’s good and ready. “You look awfully tired, sweetie. Didn’t you get any sleep?”

He can’t feel it but heat rises in his face as he scratches at his forehead. “Uh, not really, no. Duke and Audrey kind of kept me up most of the night.”

Laverne’s eyes get a little misty at that, like just-saw-a-puppy-get-kicked misty, and she reaches out to pat his hand. “Oh honey. I-I really don’t know how to say this. Gloria thinks I should just mind my own business but…”

Nathan sips carefully at his tea, hoping that he can trust her judgment that it isn’t too hot. He may not be able to feel his burnt tongue but Audrey would fuss. “It’s all right. You can tell me.” Whatever it is, it can’t be as bad as she’s making it out to be.

“I know how much you care about Detective Parker and- and I know you’ve really patched things up with Duke Crocker too, but- Oh, Nathan, sweetie. I saw them together, a few days ago.” She presses her lips together, oh so sympathetic. “And I just thought you should hear it from a trusted source first, before it gets all over town.”

Nathan pauses with his cup halfway to his mouth. “Saw them… together? What do you mean?”

“ _Together_.” As if that clarifies everything. He must still look mystified because she lowers her voice and elaborates: “ _Kissing_.”

He chokes on the cookie, coughing and grinning as she slaps him on the back. “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry you had to hear this! I just couldn’t stand to see her break your heart and just blindside you!”

“No, no, Laverne, I-” Nathan shakes his head, trying to wash down the cookie crumbs that he can’t be sure are still there. “Thank you, for being so concerned, but…” He winces, squinting up at her. “Um, I _know_.”

“You know what, dear?”

“About Duke and Audrey. _Kissing_.” Nathan imitates her emphasis on the word, leaning in and lowering his voice.

For once in her life, the woman seems to be at a loss for words. He almost feels bad for stumping her so hard.

“It’s-it’s okay,” he rushes to explain. “We’re, um-”

Explaining to a town full of busybodies that you’re in a polyamorous relationship? Not easy. Explaining it to a woman who’s been like a grandmother to you most of your life? Nathan finds that’s next to impossible.

“Did you two break up, hon? I’m sorry, I’m dredging up bad memories, aren’t I? Ach, Gloria was right, I should have just minded my own business.”

“No, no we didn’t break up. Audrey and I are still together, we’re just… also… Duke’s, ah…”

Her face falls and she perches next to him on the deck, refilling his cup. “Now, Nathan. You’re a real catch, you know that? You’re a sweet guy and a caring guy and you were the Chief of Police! You don’t have to stay with someone who doesn’t recognize that. It’s noble of you to try and make it work but if she doesn’t see what she’s got, well.”

Nathan drops his forehead into the palm of his hand. “No, it’s not like that either. Audrey and I are really happy. She’s not- I mean, it’s- Duke and I have, for a long time, you know and-”

That’s always the trickiest part, explaining that it’s not an ‘open relationship’, that he and Audrey aren’t just ‘seeing other people’. It’s the Nathan-and-Duke part that’s a bitch to put into words. Because Nathan doesn’t want other people thinking about what they _do_ and, you know, it’s not like that. Well, it is, they fuck like bunnies, but it’s not just sex and neither of them is just gay and it’s more complicated than that because they love Audrey too and-

Laverne’s eyebrows are knit together in equal parts concern and confusion and he’s been quietly mumbling for too long, he can tell, so he just stuffs another cookie in his mouth to buy himself some time.

The door bangs open and Gloria marches back into the office. “Nathan! Up and at ‘em, you’ve got a body. Floatin’ one. Better call Detective Parker.”

Either she has impeccable timing or she was eavesdropping, but whatever her secret, Nathan finds himself outrageously thankful for her intrusion. And for whatever Trouble is causing dead bodies to float six inches above the water in the harbor, according to the initial report she shoves into his hands.

“Sorry, Laverne, got to run. But- thank you.” He pauses to kiss her cheek. She smells like menthols and Tollhouse cookies; it’s a comforting, familiar smell, one he can trace straight back to his childhood, tugging on his dad’s pant legs at this very desk. He wishes he could explain better, make her understand that he is happy, that he loves two people more than he’s ever loved one, but- “The cookies are delicious.”

Nathan pastes on a slightly awkward smile, never quite sure how to control his facial muscles, and grabs an extra couple cookies as he marches out after Gloria. For now, he’ll just be grateful for well-timed interruptions and eavesdropping MEs.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Two of his employees and the kid who brings his seafood every Friday are bent over a laptop sitting on the bartop at the _Grey Gull_ when he walks in. Nina and Callie do a halfway decent job of glancing at him casually but Benny, the supply kid, lets out an entirely too high-pitched, _“Hi-iiiii”,_ voice cracking halfway through as though a well-placed high heel had suddenly dug into his foot.

“Hi,” Duke says. He does not say, _I’m not paying you to sit around_ because he hasn’t quite managed to turn into every boss he’s ever had, thank god, but he does raise a very pointed eyebrow.

There’s a round of shuffling feet and sideways glances between the three of them, before Nina rolls her eyes, gum snapping, and says, “Hey, Boss. We need to talk.”

Duke is torn between the sudden, instinctual lurch in his stomach he gets any time a woman says those four little words to him, and the entirely too bourgeois worry that his employees might have finally decided to band together and strike in protest of the fact that their boss kept less predictable hours than their weed dealers, and occasionally kept a woman who, for all intents and purposes, seemed to be suffering from a wide variety of psychotic breaks on the second floor.

Then again, looking at the three of them looking at him, Callie’s fingers woven together nervously and Benny’s wide-eyed face, this might be an entirely different kind of talk.

“Is this an intervention?” Duke asks warily. “We’re _in a bar.”_

“No,” Callie says.

“Yes,” Nina says.

They glance at each other. Nina sighs.

“It’s a you-really-need-to-get-laid-ervention.”

Duke opens his mouth. Closes it. He glances down at himself and - yep, his shirt is still definitely missing a few buttons from where Audrey had ripped it open that morning.

It is entirely too early to be dealing with whatever this is without a cup of coffee, and not late enough to justify a shot of whisky instead. He loops around the bar, placing his hands firmly on the top and giving himself at least a small barrier against the three sets of earnest, sympathetic gazes.

He’s not sure what he’s hoping for - that this is some sort of Trouble-induced nonsense or that apparently, he and Nathan and Audrey had finally succeeded at doing something _subtle._

“What exactly,” he says finally, “makes you think I’m _not_ getting laid?”

Nina sighs again, heavy and put-upon. He’d been making a habit of letting her man _The Gull_ when he had to rush off and do his _Cagney & Lacey _bit with Nathan and Audrey, and from the fond, exasperated look she was giving him, it clearly had been going to her head.

“We saw you last night,” she says. “Well, Benny did.”

Benny nods eagerly.

“You saw me not get laid last night,” Duke says flatly, which is both ridiculous and not actually _true._ He has a very distinct memory of rolling down Nathan’s jeans while Audrey tugged at his jaw for a kiss, and at least _four_ of the things they had done _definitely_ counted as getting laid.

The kid actually blushes. _“No._ But, well, that is, I mean - I saw you. Here. At _The Gull._ I came over to let you know that Mr. Henry said there’s not going to be any cod this Friday on account of -”

“Benny.”

“Right. Anyway, I came in and saw you. Audrey and Nathan were having dinner, and you were there, and, well.”

Duke tries to make sense of that. Tries again. “You saw me eat dinner with Audrey and Nathan and somehow came to the conclusions that I _wasn’t_ getting any last night?”

They hadn’t even fought last night. Well, not anything serious. Audrey had threatened at one point to spray them down with cold water like squabbling cats but _that_ had only lead to - well. Not not getting laid.

“Duke,” Callie says, voice soft. “You need to let it go.”

“Let _what_ go?”

“Audrey and Nathan,” Nina says impatiently.

“They’re in _love,”_ Callie says, sweet and wistful.

“Frankly I’m not even sure which one it is you’re still hung up on,” Nina says. “But pining is not a good look on you, Boss.”

“ _What?”_

“Look, I know you’re all “friends” or whatever, but maybe a little less date-crashing and a little more dating is what you need, all right?”

Callie nods solemnly. “She’s right, Duke. The only way to get over someone is to get back out there.”

Duke stares.

“Plenty of other fish in the sea, man,” Benny says. “That’s why we’re here.”

He scrabbles for the laptop, swinging it around so the screen faces Duke.

“Look, see - we made you one of those dating profiles!”

Duke looks at the computer. Looks at each of them in turn.

“We just want to help,” Callie says as Duke gapes, mouth working soundlessly.

“You made me a - _I don’t need a dating profile.”_

Nina flicks her eyes over him. “Look, normally I’d agree with you that some girls like that whole ‘bad boy, maybe he doesn’t have a house because he needs more space to think about life, yoga outlaw’ aesthetic, but clearly you’re not getting back on that horse on your own.”

“I don’t need to get back on the horse,” Duke says. “I- I am _on_ the horse. Do you seriously -”

“Don’t you see,” Benny says, gesturing at the computer screen. “Wave of the future, man.”

“Love in the time of cybersex,” Nina adds. “Come on, Boss, just have a look.”

Duke looks. There are tiny pink hearts in the upper corner of the screen. Across from that is a short row of icons and a log-out link sandwiched around _Welcome, elcapitan77._

“El Capitan?” Duke asks.

“This coming from a ‘Duke’? Look, you’re lucky I got your back: Benny was trying to make your screen name _crockandrollallnite77.”_

“Duke likes rock!”

He stares at the screen. There’s a recent photo of him that’s not actually half-bad, a profile shot with the light shining behind him through the windows of _The Gull_ in golden yellow. He doesn’t remember it being taken. No doubt courtesy of a sneaky waitress. He glances at Callie over the top of the laptop and she bites her lip around a smile.

There’s a list of “Details” that has his height and body weight listed with an uncomfortable amount of accuracy and a notice that he’s “Online Now!” as well as -

“Hang on - you have my occupation listed as ‘bartender’.”

“Well,” Benny says. He leans forward, voice dropping to a stage whisper. “I didn’t think that _other_ thing you do would be kosher, you know?”

“Right,” Duke says. “But Benny, I’m not just a bartender, I own and manage my own restaurant. It’s a complicated financial endeavor. Do you know how hard it is to succeed in the foodservice industry? I mean - I mean, that is not the problem here. The problem here is, I don’t need a dating profile.”

“Bartenders are sexy,” Nina says.

Duke stares. “ _You’re_ a bartender.”

Nina stares back. She pops her gum loudly.

“I _still_ don’t need a dating profile,” Duke says, a little desperate.

“But see,” Benny says, gesturing. “You’ve already got thirty-seven responses!”

“That doesn’t - _thirty-seven?_ How long has this been up?”

“Since Tuesday,” Benny says. “Some of them aren’t even just dick pics.”

“ _What_?”

“Well, Nina insisted that we make sure your profile was set to seeking women _and_ men.” Benny nods sagely.

“We’re very accepting of your lifestyle, Duke,” Callie adds. “Well. Parts of your lifestyle. That part. Maybe not the… there’s an awful lot of guns in here, for a restaurant, isn’t there? We’ve, well, I’ve been meaning to - “

She’s cut off by Nina’s elbow digging sharply into her arm. “Yeah, yeah, we’re a regular freaking pride parade, the point is apparently you’re fresh meat, new fish, blood in the water, Boss, and the fish are biting.”

“So many guns,” Callie murmurs under her breath.

“There is an _awful_ lot of dick pics,” Benny says thoughtfully. “Men are _jerks._ ”

Duke scans the profile again.

_Yes, my name really is ‘Duke’,_ it reads. _I own my own car, and my own boat, so whether you need to get there by land or by sea - I’m your man. I enjoy yoga, fishing, and long walks on the harbour with the right kind of person beside me. Sometimes I like to just relax by myself with a glass of fine scotch and only the gentle sway of the waves and the stars above me for company, thinking about what it all really means. I’m a Gemini, but don’t let that scare you off, Virgos. I like to consider myself a pretty flexible person - that’s what the yoga’s for. I’m a fair-hand in the kitchen and would love to whip you up a delicious, homemade dinner for two sometime. I speak four languages, which means I’ve got a very talented - “_ Seriously?!”

Benny sighs. “Aw, man. we just think you should find yourself a nice girl.”

“I have a nice girl,” Duke says. “And a nice boy, actually.”

_He’s finally cracked,_ Nina mouths.

“I can _see_ you.”

Callie reaches out slowly, as though approaching a half-rabid bobcat, and rests a tiny hand on his forearm, as if to say, _there there._

“There there,” she says. “It’s all right, Duke. You’ll find someone for you someday. If you don’t die, first.”

“Do you all _seriously_ not realise that I’m dating Audrey and Nathan?” Duke demands. He yanks his arm out from beneath Callie’s touch and immediately feels bad as she turns enormous, pitying brown eyes on him.

“Audrey and Nathan,” Benny echoes.

“Yes!”

“Audrey and Nathan are… dating,” he says.

“Yes.”

There is a long pause.

“Audrey and Nathan are dating _me,”_ Duke finishes. “Me. Them. The three of us. All three of us. _We._ Are. Dating.”

They all glance at each other.

Duke flings his hands up in frustration. “Benny, you literally walked in on the three of us in the storeroom last Friday.”

Benny furrows his brow. “When Detective Parker spilled the marinara sauce on her shirt, and you and Detective Wuornos were helping her take it off?”

Nina’s head snaps around to stare incredulously at him. “Wait, _seriously?”_

“ _Yes,”_ Duke says.

“Oh man,” she says. “You actually _are._ Oh my god. _”_

“That’s what I’ve been _saying.”_

“How did I miss this?” Nina demands.

“I can honestly tell you that I have no idea. We’re not exactly subtle.”

“This whole time, I thought you were just pining, but _oh my god.”_

“I wasn’t _pining,”_ Duke protests. “I’ve never pined.”

“It did seem like there was a little bit of pining,” Callie says hesitantly.

Duke is cut off from retorting by the ringing of his phone. He settles for a glare at all three of them as he picks up.

“Hello?”

_“Hey.”_

Duke grins sharply. “Oh, hey, Nathan, _baby,”_ he says.“We were just talking about you. Darling.”

“... _Okay.”_

“You, and Audrey, and me. How happy we all are. Aren’t we happy, angel?”

_“Is this a code?”_ Nathan asks. _“Are you being held hostage?”_

“No, I’m just so happy to hear from you. My boyfriend. Who is probably working right now with our girlfriend, who we are dating. Dating in a really, really obvious manner, so obvious that you’d have to be an _idiot-”_

“We get it,” Nina sighs.

“Anyway,” Duke says. “What can I do for you, gumdrop?”

_“You can stop calling me ‘gumdrop’,”_ Nathan says drily. _“And then maybe come down to the station. Looks like we’ve got a trouble.”_

“I would be happy to, muffin. Give Audrey a kiss for me.”

_“Give her one yourself.”_

“Fair enough. I’ll see you in a bit. Hey,” he says, just before Nathan hangs up. “I love you, you know that?”

_“... Yeah,”_ Nathan says. “ _Me too. Gumdrop.”_

Duke hangs up, still smiling.

“Oh my god,” Nina says. “You three are all actually disgustingly cute, aren’t you? This is going to be even worse than when you were pining. You’re going to be _sappy.”_

“Aww,” Callie says. “I think it’s sweet. Good for you, Duke.”

She has a slightly speculative look in her eyes, like she’s ready to switch gears and have a _relationship_ talk now instead.

Duke is not, when it comes down to it, above running. He makes his excuses and grabs his keys, ignoring Nina’s snort of laughter and the fact that he can see Callie, out of the corner of his eyes, place a delicate hand over her heart. Like she’s witnessing a love story.

“Hang on,” he hears Benny ask as he heads out the door.. “Was that Detective _Wuornos_ on the phone?”

 


	3. Chapter 3

Audrey takes a long sip of her beer, eyeing her boys at the end of the bar. Their heads are bent together over Nathan’s phone and they’re bickering about something, as always.

“Hey, Detective Parker.”

She turns her head to find last week’s Trouble case, a relatively harmless one for once, sliding onto the stool beside her. He’s a nice guy, even if he does unintentionally make everyone around him think he’s actually his comic book alter ego, a super villain named Marticorus.

“Hey, Marty. Come on, call me Audrey.”

He gives a nervous little laugh, pushing his glasses up his nose, and she hides a smile in her beer. “Audrey, then.”

“How are you doing?”

“Better, thanks to you.”

“Just doing my job.”

“It’s not just a job to you though, is it? You really love helping… us.”

“You mean the Troubled?”

“That, and Haven.”

She shrugs, setting her beer down and lining up the edge of the bottle with the edge of the coaster, rubbing her thumb through the cold condensation. “It’s home. It’s what I do.”

“Well, I think it’s more than that. Having been on the receiving end of your help.” Marty smiles a little and rests his hand on the bar, fingers almost brushing hers, part invitation and part nervous request.

Audrey stares down at his little finger and hers, inspects the crooked joint from when she broke it… god knows how many years ago. Maybe she jammed it in a car door in the twenties or maybe she got it fighting a Crocker in the 1700s. She feels immediately guilty for the thought, even though it could be true, and glances up at Duke. He catches her eye, hand on Nathan’s shoulder, and she grins, tapping her nails against the beer bottle.

“Uh, well. I’m just glad you’re doing better,” she says finally, turning her widened smile back on Marty. He's staring at her, seeming not to have noticed her mind (or gaze) wandering. It’s mildly unnerving and Audrey clears her throat, hoping to jog him out of it. It happens sometimes, with the especially grateful Troubled. There was a time she wondered if that was the root of Nathan's fascination with her too, but he’s proven again and again that it’s not just her touch he loves. He’s just as happy to watch Duke get her off as he is to-

Marty takes a deep breath all of a sudden and blurts out what it appears he's been thinking since he sat down: "Would you like to have to dinner with me sometime? To- to thank you! For saving my life."

"Ohh, Marty, I don't know. I mean-" Audrey spares a glance at the boys and debates how best to turn down such a funny little man without hurting his feelings.

"Not _just_ to thank you!" he interrupts, as if she needed the clarification. "I mean, like a date. Like, I really like you Audrey and I want to get to know you better!" It comes out in a rush, his face turning pinker by the second.

"I... that's really sweet but the thing is..." Audrey looks what she hopes is more pointedly at the boys. She gets a little distracted by Duke's hand sliding up under Nathan's shirt. Hardly anyone else can see it but she has a great view where she's sitting, likely intentional on Duke's part. Always the showman.

When she finally tears herself away, Marty is still looking at her with this hopeful, expectant, puppy dog face and Audrey cringes inwardly. "Its just that I'm seeing someone. Some _ones._ " She tries to gesture subtly at Duke and Nathan but she's pretty sure it looks more like an epileptic fit.

Marty's face falls and he knits his hands together nervously. "Oh. I had heard you were seeing a detective but since your partner's gay, I guess I just assumed that wasn't true. I'm sorry."

Audrey chokes on her beer, grabbing a cocktail napkin off the bar and coughing furiously into it. "What? No, no, Nathan’s not- I mean, he's not strictly _straight_ but- Nathan’s _bi_ , thank you very much."

Marty's eyebrows knit together and he reaches out a hesitant hand halfway between them before drawing it back. "Uh, Detective Parker?" His lips twist, like he's bearing bad news, and he nods to the end of the bar. "Y-you didn't know? I mean, your partner seems pretty gay to me."

Audrey's head shoots up, mouth falling a little slack at the sight of the boys - her boys - kissing in public. Not just kissing, but like full bore, Duke's long fingers tangled in Nathan’s hair and tongues visible. Her heart skips, pulse racing, and she bites the edge of her beer bottle, teeth clinking on glass.

"You really didn't know? You didn't think that you and he were... Oh my. I've opened a can of worms, haven't I? I should go. This is personal." Marty swings his barstool to the side, starting to flee, but stops, hand hovering an inch off her arm. "When you've sorted this out- um, I would still like to... get to know you better?"

"Yeah, yeah, thanks Marty," Audrey mumbled, barely managing to spare him a glance and definitely not listening. “Wait, what?”

“I’d just-” Marty wrings his hands a bit and shrugs. “I’d still like to go out with you sometime. You saved my life and I just think we have a _connection_ , you know?”

“But, like I said, I’m in a relationship. You’re a great guy, Marty, but I’m not available.” Audrey sets her beer on the bar with a clunk, arching an eyebrow at him.

“But- Detective Parker.” He can’t seem to make up his mind what to call her and it’s starting to set her teeth on edge. Then again, Nathan frequently calls her ‘Parker’ in bed, and it doesn’t exactly bother her in that context. “Your partner is _gay_. He, he isn’t in a relationship with you.”

“No, no.” Her jaw clenches, hand reaching up to brush her hairline. “You don’t understand. Nathan isn’t just _gay_. He’s with _us_. I’m not some clueless lovesick girl; I’m in. a. relationship.”

“With… us?”

“Yes. With _us_.” Audrey waves a hand at Duke and herself, encompassing their little trio with just a flick of her wrist. It must look as if she’s waving them over because the boys shuffle down the bar to her, Duke still slinging beers with one hand and Nathan’s fingers unwittingly clenched so tight in Duke’s shirt his knuckles are white. She reaches out and gently loosens his grip, fingers curling around his at Duke’s hip.

“Hey, you ready to go home?” Duke leans his elbows on the bar, resting his arm against Audrey’s. “I can leave Nina to it.”

“Yeah, I think I’m done with the bar scene for tonight,” Audrey comments dryly, downing the last of her beer and turning on Marty, lips pressed together.

He’s still standing there with his mouth hanging open and his glasses a little crooked on the end of his nose. “ _Oh_. Oh!”

Reaching out, she lays a hand on his arm and his face somehow turns even more red as the horror and humiliation sets in. “Look, Marty.” Glancing around the bar, she nods to a brunette sitting alone by the window. “Do you see that girl over there?”

“Y-yeah. That’s June, from the coffee shop.”

“That’s right. Did you know that June is… _like you_?”

“Like me? She’s asthmatic?”

Audrey’s eyebrows bunch together and she can feel Nathan barely containing a chuckle under her other hand. “No, Marty, she’s _Troubled_. She didn’t know it until recently, just like you. And I happen to know that June really loves appletinis.”

“If you know what I mean,” Duke pipes in, waggling his eyebrows and drumming his fingers on the bar.

Marty’s blush deepens a little more but he pulls away, nodding. “I see. Well. I think I’ll, uh, need two appletinis over here, bartender.”

Audrey waves Nina over and slides off her barstool. “Come on, boys. You have a nice night, Marty.”

“Erm. You too, Detective Parker. Thanks?”

Hooking an arm through Nathan’s as he steps out from behind the bar, she kisses his cheek and lets Duke herd them both outside, big hands on shoulders and waists.

“Was he hitting on you?” Nathan demands, a little late to the party.

A giggle bubbles up out of her and Audrey rests her head on his shoulder. “Apparently. Been living with you two so long, I almost didn’t recognize the come-on.”

Nathan stops in his tracks, arm around her, and nods to Duke as he opens the Bronco door. “I think we’ve just been insulted.”

“Well let’s get Detective Parker home and show her what a come-on really feels like.”

Nathan turns pink and scratches his forehead. “ _Duke-_ ”

“Mm, that sounds good.” Audrey squeezes his arm and climbs up into the truck with a wink.

“You heard the woman. Get a move on, Wuornos, we have a hot detective to unbutton.”

Nathan shakes his head but follows them up into the cab, arm draped over the back of the seat and turns the key in the ignition. “I think she’s sufficiently unbuttoned, _Crocker_. She’s in a-”

Audrey smirks, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair and relishing the little shiver that runs through him at her contact. “What? In a committed threesome? Getting a milkshake with three straws down at the old diner?”

“That was one time!” Nathan protests, brushing his fingers against Duke’s neck. He probably doesn’t even know he’s doing it but Audrey can’t help smiling as she nestles between them on the bench seat. It may not be obvious to the residents of Haven, but she knows he’s got it bad for both of them.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Audrey is in a good mood. Which really should be her first hint that things are about to go sour - it’s Haven, after all. Optimism is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. She and Nathan are just wrapping up the paperwork on the latest case - one of the shopkeepers downtown had been turning light bulbs into fireworks all day, and hadn’t Dwight had fun explaining _that_ one - and Audrey is sore on her feet but smiling.

It’s nearly time to go home - they’re meeting at the Rouge, tonight. Duke is apparently planning something complicated with a sea bass and a ginger-lime aioli that he absolutely needs their opinion on before debuting it at _The Gull_ \- which is mostly stuff and nonsense, given that the extent of Audrey’s palate is “it tastes like fish” and “mmmm” and Nathan refuses to have any real opinion on any food that isn’t flat, spherical, and cooked on a griddle, even if he closes his eyes on every bite and lets slip noises that border on the indecent. Then again, it’s probably those noises that make Duke insist on testing out his recipes on them. Taste _is_ one of Nathan’s favourite senses.

She’s just heading to the locker room to change - she’d managed to get singed by the tail end of a catherine wheel, and her shirt was more or less toast - when she hears a distinctive, breathy moan float through the door.

She raises an eyebrow. It’s not exactly regulation for officers to be conducting after-hours business in the locker room. Normally it wouldn’t bother her too much, but she really does need to change her shirt.

She waffles for a minute, hand on the doorknob, when she hears an out-of-breath laugh followed by a giggling voice ask, _“Do you think Detective Parker really doesn’t know?”_

Audrey freezes.

There’s another snort of laughter. “ _You kidding? I just heard her and Wuornos making dinner plans. Still playing like they’re Prom King and Queen. Oh yeah, she’s got no idea he’s been sailing his ship into foreign seas.”_

Audrey recognizes that voice - Andy Bennett, one of the officers she mostly doesn’t know except by name and to smile at in the hallways. A decent worker, from everything Dwight’s said, on the detective track, but not really stand-out.

_“And_ how _foreign.”_

And that’s Jo Carlyle. Her voice is a little muffled, but Audrey’s worked with her a few times. She’s brought Audrey coffee once or twice when they were working overtime.

_“To think, she’s supposed to be a detective,”_ Bennett says. There’s the rustling the sound of Haven PD-issued uniforms brushing against one another.

_“Maybe it’s willful blindness. I mean, would you want to know your boyfriend was cheating on you? And with another_ guy?”

So that’s what this is about. Audrey thinks she should probably be used to it, by now, but she can’t fight the grimace she makes at the closed door. Carefully, she eases her hand off the handle, pressing her ear to the wood surface.

_“If I were her? Hell yeah I’d want to know what kind of shit I was getting in bed with every night,”_ she hears Bennett growl. “ _Have to say, I’m surprised in Wuornos. I mean, I always figured Crocker… But you don’t expect that kind of thing from the guy you work with every day, you know?”_ There’s the soft sound of clothing hitting the wood floor. “ _Yeah, I mean, he’s been a little squirrelly before, but he never seemed_ that _kind. His dad was a stand-up guy.”_

_“I dunno. Nathan and I went to high school, you know? I never thought he was, you know,_ gay…”

“ _What, you had a crush? ‘Cause I hate to be the one to break it to ya, babe, but - “_

There’s the noise of a light smack followed by laughter.

“ _Andy! I just mean he dated old Driscoll’s daughter for a while and Hannah and I were friends for ages and she never said anything like that… but he and Duke always_ were _close.”_

Audrey hears Bennett laugh again, harshly. “ _I’ll say they were.”_

_“I guess. Everybody always knew what he got up to in the harbour but Nathan never booked him for it.”_

_“Maybe Crocker was giving him a little something under the table._

Carlyle squeals. _“Andy! That’s terrible.”_

_“You said it yourself. Wuornos’ never brings him in for half the shit he gets up to… ”_ his words trail off into the obvious sounds of a kiss.

Audrey feels her hands roll into fists.

_“The worst part is,”_ Carlyle gasps, words choppy as she presumably surfaces for air. “ _poor Detective Parker.”_

“Yeah,” Audrey says, swinging open the door and striding in. “Poor me.”

The two officers freeze. Bennett is straddling the bench, Carlyle kneeling on it between his thighs. Carlyle’s fingers are working on the buttons of his shirt. Her eyes go wide.

“D-detective Parker!” she says, scrambling away from him. The toe of one boot catches on the side of the bench and she nearly trips, arms flailing. She hastily straightens up, tugging at the sides of her own half-unbuttoned shirt. “We were just…”

She glances frantically at Bennett, who says nothing, still staring at Audrey, stony-faced.

“Chatting?” Audrey says. She feels the smile on her lips, sharp as razorwire. “Oh, don’t mind me. I always like to hear the latest office scuttlebut.”

“I don’t know what…” Carlyle trails off helplessly, eyes still wide.

Audrey waves a hand, walking over to her own locker. The clank of it opening is like a cannonade. “Go on! What’s this I hear about my boyfriend and his scandalous gay love affair that’s been happening _right_ under my nose?”

Carlyle swallows hard. “We… we didn’t mean anything by it, Detective Parker. It’s just gossip.”

“Just gossip,” Audrey echoes, still smiling.

Bennett sighs, like he’s just accepted a heavy burden. He swings his one leg over the bench, drawing himself into standing.

_This,_ Audrey thinks, in a voice that distinctly sounds like Duke, _is going to be good._

“Look, Parker,” he says sympathetically. “You should know the truth, since you haven’t figured it out already. It’s all over town. Practically everyone’s seen your _boyfriend_ running around with that criminal, Crocker.”

“Have they,” Audrey says.

Bennett raises his hands. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news.”

“Do you,” Audrey says.

“But you should face the facts,” he declares. “Which are that your boyfriend’s cheating on you. Probably has been for a while.”

“Is he,” Audrey says.

“Andy,” Carlyle says nervously. “We shouldn’t - Audrey, it’s just that - You should know - ”

“You two must think I’m _really_ stupid,” Audrey says. “Poor dumb Audrey Parker. Can’t even figure out that her boyfriend’s sleeping with another man. And she’s supposed to be a _detective_. Here’s the thing, officers - I’m not one to really air my personal life at work, but, well, since you two” she gestures at their shoddily-clothed forms. “clearly already screwed the pooch on that one, here we go - I _know_ my boyfriend’s sleeping with another man. Because he’s not cheating on me. As any halfway decent police investigator could’ve probably figured out by now, Detective Wuornos, Duke Crocker, and I are in a relationship. A _very_ happy relationship. Together.”

The two of them gape at her.

Bennett opens and closes his mouth a few times before finally saying, “Listen, Parker - “

“And it’s _Detective_ Parker, officer. Keep that in mind before you speak to me again.”

Bennett swallows. “Detective Parker, then. I don’t know what you’re saying, but - “

“Really, Officer Bennett? Because I think I’ve made it very clear. The three of us are fully-grown, consenting adults in a committed relationship with each other, that is really no one else’s business.”

Bennett’s face twists. “But that’s -”

“It’s called polyamory, but I know that’s an awful lot of syllables for you to get through.”

Bennett splutters.

“You’re dating Duke?” Carlyle pipes up tentatively.

Audrey glances at her dismissively. “Yes.”

Bennett snorts. “He’s a fa-”

“You’re going to want to not finish that sentence,” Audrey says, still smiling. “If you’re planning on walking out of here with your badge. And all of your teeth.”

**

Nathan is just finishing up the last of the paperwork. Audrey has disappeared under the guise of changing her singed shirt, leaving him and his, as she had put it with a flutter of her eyelashes, hands that never ached from too many signatures.

“Clever Parker,” he murmurs under his breath, although at this rate they’re going to be late to the Rouge, which means Duke whining, which means Audrey and he bribing him with sexual favours for forgiveness, which - actually, probably worth the whining. He’s just signing the last file that says some townsfolk had gotten a little too excited about the Fourth of July and started celebrating a few months early, when there’s a rap on his doorframe.

Dwight pops his head in. “Hey, got a minute?”

“Sure,” Nathan says, capping his pen. “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing much,” Dwight says. “Just, you know, your girlfriend apparently threatening to ‘keelhaul’ an officer down in the locker rooms.”

“ _What?”_ Nathan asks, rising from his desk.

Dwight shrugs. “I’m sure there’s a perfectly rational explanation,” he says drily. “It’s Haven. Isn’t there always?”

Nathan hustles after him down the hall.

“I don’t know why you’re looking so shocked,” Dwight says, sipping his coffee as they walk. “This is by far not the weirdest thing you people have done.”

Nathan can hear shouting as they get closer to the locker rooms. A few officers are huddled nervously outside the door.

“Come on, let’s clear on out,” Dwight says, waving them away with his coffee mug. “Don’t you people have work to do? No? I can find you some.”

They scamper.

Dwight sighs, opening the door. Nathan’s not sure what he’s expecting, but it probably isn’t this.

Two junior officers are cowering on the far side of the locker room, slightly more rumpled and distinctly less clothed than they should be on duty. In front them is Audrey.

She’s furious. Her eyes are bright, cheeks blotted with red, mouth snarling. She is, if he’s being honest with himself, spectacularly beautiful like this.

“And _another thing,”_ she’s saying, breaking off as he and Dwight step in. “Nathan,” she says, and for a second the angry line of her mouth softens. She steps over to him quickly, hand finding his. Nathan takes it with a small flicker of surprise, enjoying the warmth that blossoms in his palm at her touch.

“Chief,” she acknowledges Dwight with a nod.

“You all right?” Nathan asks quietly.

Audrey gives another tight nod. “Fine.”

“What seems to be the fuss, officers?” Dwight says, eyes flicking between them. Nathan can see him try to catch Audrey’s eye but she’s back to glaring viciously at the other cops.

The male officer - Bennett, Nathan knows - straightens up. The other officer, Carlyle, buries her face in her hands in something like mortification. She doesn’t say anything.

“Sir,” Bennett says, snapping a salute with such enthusiasm that Dwight winces and takes another long pull of his coffee. Bennett’s hand falters. “Sir,” he says again, stammering. “I - We were just -”

Dwight glances around. Nathan follows his gaze from Bennett’s half-unbuttoned shirt, glancing over to where Carlyle stands nervously, finally squinting at Bennett’s jacket, discarded on the floor. “Were you having sex in the locker room?”

Bennett flushes. “No, sir. That is… we were just… It wasn’t _really…”_

“Ah,” Dwight says. “The Clinton Defense. Go on, son, that one always works out well.”

“But, Chief, sir - Detective Parker - do you know that she and Detective Wuornos… they’re _sleeping_ with _Duke Crocker,”_ he hisses the name.

Nathan hasn’t felt the physicality of anger in years, the twist of it in his stomach, the flush of it on his skin, the tempo of his heartbeat. Anger for him is all in his head. That’s where he’s feeling it now: the narrowing of his thoughts into a knifepoint.

So that’s what this is about. Nathan bites back a sigh of frustration. Haven is, above everything else, sometimes just a small town.

“Yeah,” Dwight says, shrugging. “There are people that don’t know that?”

“But - but _sir!”_ Bennett stammers.

“Officer Bennett, do you really think you’re in a position to be criticising anyone’s personal life right now?” Nathan can see the aborted movement he makes with his hand, as if he were resisting the urge to rub his temple in exasperation. “How about you Aud- Detective Parker? What exactly happened here?”

Audrey scowls. “I came down to the locker room to change - you know, how the locker room is _supposed_ to be used, and found Officers Carlyle and Bennett…. occupying it. They were discussing _my relationship_ , and I saw fit to correct them on a few points.”

“Ah,” Dwight says.

“Discussing?” Nathan asks, jaw clenched. Audrey’s grip tightens on his.

“They said you were cheating on me, with Duke. And Officer Bennett here saw fit to throw around a few slurs on top of calling you a cheater and me an idiot.”

“Is this true, Officer Bennett?” Dwight asks.

“No!” Bennett says. “Well- yes, but only-”

“ _Yes_ ,” Audrey snaps. She looks up at Nathan, breath shuddering through her. “He said you… he called you a…This _asshole-”_  
  
“Parker,” Nathan says quietly. “Come on, it’s not worth it.”  
  
“Yeah, well, you should’ve heard the shit he said about me and Duke.

Nathan’s eyes narrow.

“Okay,” Dwight cuts in. “Let’s see if I got this. You and Officer Carlyle engaged in sexual acts in the police department building, while on duty, spread slanderous rumours about two of your fellow officers as well as a citizen of the town you took an oath to protect - not the greatest citizen, I’ll grant you, but a citizen nonetheless and - what was that last one?”

“Homophobic slurs,” Audrey grits out.

“Right,” Dwight nods. “And used homophobic slurs. Haven PD has a very strict non-discrimination policy, you realise. Why am I the only one whoever reads the rulebook?”

“She said she’d knock my teeth out!”

“Really?” Dwight says, surprised. “Is that all?”

“She threatened my job!”

“Oh,” Dwight says. “Well, Detective Parker doesn’t have the authority to fire you.” He takes a sip of his coffee, frowning down at the near-empty mug. “I do, though.”

Bennett pales.

“You can’t… _They’re_ the ones who are…”

“Are what?” Nathan asks.

“It’s _wrong,”_ Bennett spits. “It’s _disgusting.”_

Nathan hauls Audrey back, her hands clenched into fists.

“All right,” Dwight says, throwing up his palms. “That’s enough. Detectives Parker, Wuornos - you two can get back to work. As for you two,” he turns to Bennett and Carlyle. “You can straighten up and meet me in my office in ten minutes.”

“You’re just going to let her _go?”_

“Do you really want to have a discussion about how I discipline my officers right _now,_ Officer Bennett?” Dwight asks, eyebrow raised.

Nathan gently tugs at Audrey, leading her to the door.

Dwight follows them out after a minute, jogging to catch up with them as they head back upstairs.

“Thanks,” Audrey says. “For, you know.”

Dwight shrugs.

“Well, I am the Chief. But he’s right, you know,” Dwight says. “It is disgusting. Yesterday I saw Nathan stare at the two of you for a full uninterrupted five minutes. Not even saying anything. Just sitting there and staring with a sappy look on his - “ he breaks off laughing as Nathan shoves at him.

Nathan puts an arm over Audrey’s shoulders as they walk. She’s still thrumming with anger, he can feel it, and he gets it. It’s not the first time some bigoted asshole’s said something, it probably won’t be the last.

“C’mon,” he nudges her gently. “Duke’s waiting. Let’s go home.”

Audrey sighs, and he can feel some of the tension ease out of her with it, a concentrated effort. She’s not gonna show up on _The Rouge_ this mad, Duke would ask questions. They’ll probably end up telling him, eventually, but for now, they have a nice night ahead of them. No reason to spoil it.

“Yeah,” Audrey says, craning her head up against his shoulder to give him a small smile. “Let’s go home.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

“Audrey’s gonna be late,” Nathan says, pocketing his phone.

Duke sighs. He slings an arm over the breadth of Nathan’s shoulders, chin tucking over his collarbone. “I should’ve dated shift workers, you know. Accountants. People with steady schedules. Cops,” he says, ducking his face into Nathan’s neck. “Cops were a bad idea.”

“Well you are good at those,” Nathan murmurs.

“What,” Duke asks. “Cops?”

“Bad ideas.” He laughs as Duke nips at his throat.

“Well now,” Duke says. “How are we gonna kill the time until she gets here, hmm?”

“I’m sure you’ve got plenty of bad ideas.”

“Do I ever.”

Nathan has always gotten more hung up on the limits of his Trouble than Duke or Audrey. Really, Duke knows, the trick to Nathan is easy. Sight, smell, taste, sound. It hardly even counts as thinking outside the box. He can feel the rise of Nathan’s chest now, breathing in deep the scent of him, as he presses himself up the length of Nathan’s back.

“Come on,” Duke says, fingers snaking down to Nathan’s collar, the first button of his shirt. “Don’t you want Audrey to come home to this? Walk in on you all spread out on the floor -"

“We’re not having sex on this floor again,” Nathan says, arching his neck to give Duke better access. “I couldn’t bend right for a week and I couldn’t figure out _why_.”

“Fine, fine. All spread out on the _sofa,_ looking so obvious that you want it, how much you need it.” He dips his head, sinking his teeth into the long line of Nathan’s neck, feels his pulse flutter against his tongue. He doesn’t bite too hard - Nathan is always hard enough on himself - but when he pulls back, breath shallow and fast, there’s a stippled mark purpling on Nathan’s skin. His voice drops low. “All marked up by me.”

“Food’s gonna get cold,” Nathan gasps.

“I made a chicken penne arrabbiata with a recipe that a man has literally killed for,” Duke acknowledges. He slides his hands around Nathan’s waist, fingering for his belt. He fights the loops for a moment, tugging it and his holster free. “Seriously, I can never go back to Temuco. And I cannot begin to tell you how little I care about that right now.”

Duke sets Nathan’s holster carefully on the table, then heads back for the button on his jeans

Nathan laughs. “Guess you’ll have to find something else to do with your mouth.”

Duke grins at him indulgently, twisting around Nathan’s body until they’re facing. “Guess so.”

He keeps smiling as he kisses him, only opening his mouth to let Nathan’s tongue in, to taste him, the faint hint of spicy peppers from testing his killer sauce, the red wine. Nathan’s tongue runs under his own and Duke feels him moan as much as he hears it.

And then there’s the distinctive _click_ of a gun cocking.

**

Duke is still struggling as they haul him towards a plain blue sedan fifteen minutes later, heavy grip on his shoulders, Nathan’s cuffs on his wrists and _fuck,_ he really hadn’t been planning on being in those, tonight.

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to convince that man to go get an MRI?” Duke demands as they pop the lid on the trunk. “He is going to complain the entire way to the hospital that he _feels_ fine, as if that means anything.”

“We could always go back and shoot him,” one of the men says. There’s two of them. If he had any time to feel it, he’d probably be a little embarrassed that they had managed to get the drop on him on his own boat, caught them almost literally with their pants down. The first one is maybe Duke’s height, with a narrow-faced, ferrety expression. Duke can see the winding ends of a tattoo peeking out beneath his sleeve, creeping over the knuckles of the hand clenching a Colt semi-auto.

The other man is large. Several kinds of large, big-boned and broad-shouldered and tall, muscles stretching under his suit. They’re both wearing suits, which sets them off as a slightly higher brand of criminal than Duke is used to dealing with.

Duke scowls.

“You can’t just go around _hitting people upside the head,”_ he continues. “Didn’t your mothers teach you anything? Or were they too busy s-”

“This invitation didn’t include a plus one,” Tiny says shaking him. “There’s nothing to stop us from going back there and getting rid of him.”

“Shame, really,” Ferret-face says. “He did seem like the smart one, telling you to shut your mouth.”

“He’s a _cop_ ,” Duke says, not for the first time. “Even you two idiots aren’t dumb enough to stick a bullet in a cop.”

Ferret-face laughs, hand on his neck, shoving him face-first into the trunk. “Don’t tempt us.”

“And what’s a cop doing screwing a two-bit smuggler, anyway?” Tiny grabs at his legs and Duke kicks out, catching the hard line of a jaw with one boot until the larger man throws his weight around, pinning Duke’s feet down.

“First of all, I’m an _excellent_ smuggler, thanks, and second of all, it’s not that weird."

He thrashes, and Tiny swears, finally getting his gun pointed in the right direction, muzzle digging into Duke’s thigh.

“You can still tell us what we need to know if I shoot you in the leg,” he warns. Duke stills. “Now, Mr. Crocker, are you going to be difficult about this?”

“I mean, probably,” Duke says. “I usually am.”

Ferret-face sighs, heavily. “Goddamn are you two trouble.”

Duke laughs. “You should see the three of us.”

He watches the man’s brow furrow in confusion, before he shakes his head. “Goddamn trouble.”

The trunk lid closes with a slam.

“Yeah,” Duke says into the darkness. “We get that a lot.”

**

Nathan works at twisting his wrists behind his back, trying to loosen the tape, but it’s impossible to tell if he’s getting anywhere. He sighs in frustration behind the tape over his lips, breath trapped in his mouth.

There’s a thump from outside. He freezes.

“Duke?” he hears a familiar voice call. “Nathan?”

He kicks at the door with both feet, bracing himself on his hands, and listens with a rush of relief to the sounds of Audrey moving closer.

Mellow light floods in as she yanks open the door, the sun nearly set. Nathan watches anger and worry and relief play across her face, quickly holstering her gun as she kneels down beside him.

“ _Nathan_ ,” she breathes, eyes crinkled at the edges and her eyebrows scrunched together. “Oh god.” Her hands come up to his face, gentle. He watches her wince as she rips the tape off of his mouth, but Nathan feels nothing - until she bends down and kisses him, lips stinging against the press of hers. Her hands tighten on his shoulders. She draws back, searching his face with a patent ‘Detective Parker’ look of concern - and distance. She’s trying to see this as a case, he knows, but then again. She gets emotionally invested in every Trouble and every victim, even when she isn’t sleeping with them. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened?”

“I’m fine,” he says. “They took Duke.”

Her eyes darken. “Fuck. I’ll be right back,” she promises, stepping out before Nathan can say anything. She reappears a second later, silhouetted in the pinkish light, with a steak knife in hand. She drops down beside him and gets to work at setting him free, asking one question.

“Who?”

He shakes his head. “Two guys. Not locals.”

“Did they hurt him?” He can hear the slight tremble in her voice, but her hands keep working steadily.

“No,” he assures. “They knocked him around a bit but he’s fine, he’s all right. They got the drop on us.” He glances down at this still unbuttoned shirt. “My gun was on the table and -”

“Nathan,” Audrey says, pausing in her work long enough to give him an earnest look, and her blue eyes are bright but insistent. “It’s not your fault.”

Nathan doesn’t say anything about that, just adds, “They said he stole something from their boss.”

“Did he?” Audrey asks, sawing at the tape his wrists. His skin smarts in flickers, points of contact burning and going numb again as she pulls off the sticky edges. He shakes his hands when she lets go - he needs the blood flow to use his hands properly, whether or not he can feel it. Needs to be able to pull a trigger.

Nathan thinks of Duke’s face, protesting with his gaze fixed on Nathan’s, _Hey now, no, no, right hand to god, I did not steal anything. Lately. Within the past year. Okay. The past few months. I didn’t._

They’ve been working on that - Duke not lying to him, Nathan believing him.

“Not recently, at least.”

Audrey nods, moving to his feet, her fingers skittering over his ankles in soft circles. “Maybe an old grudge.”

“Like that narrows it down.” He can hear the frustration in his own voice. He tries to catch onto the anger, hold it. Anger is useful, Nathan can run for a long time, burning anger. It’s better than panic or fear or -

Duke’s going to be fine. He has to be.

“Hey,” Audrey says. “We’ll find them. Haven’s not very big and they can’t have gone far. And this is our territory.”

She means Haven, but Nathan can feel the possessiveness rearing its head in his chest, a carnivore wakening. _Duke_ is their territory.

He thinks of the way Duke looked when they drew on him. He could tell the exact moment the gun pressed against his own skin just from Duke’s face, yelling at them, _he’s a cop, he’s a cop, Haven PD_. _Look, you see his gun over there, that’s standard police issue. I’d tell you to have a look at his badge, but you said no sudden movements -_

“We’ll get him back,” Audrey says, like a promise. She presses one hand to his chest, still bare from when Duke had started undressing him, and he feels his own heart pounding under her touch. They’ll get him back. They have to.

She brushes at his forehead and he draws back, hissing, at the sudden flare of pain.

“Shit,” she says. “Sorry. Concussion?”

Nathan shakes his head. She doesn’t look like she believes him. He fights down nausea, the gentle rocking of _The Rouge_ amplified tenfold with his swimming vision.

“Doesn’t matter,” he says.

Audrey frowns at him.

“Audrey,” he says. “There’s no _time.”_

She sighs, stuffing a hand briefly in her pocket like she’s just looking for something useful to do with her hands. “Duke is going to kill me if you keel over in the middle of our rescue plan,” she warns. _Defense mechanism_ , he thinks, but he doesn’t call her on it. If he lost either of them, he wouldn’t be half so collected as she’s pretending to be. He _wasn’t_ , when he lost them both at once.

But that isn’t going to happen this time. Duke is going to be _fine_.

“Well,” Nathan says, pushing himself to his feet. “He shouldn’t have gotten himself kidnapped, then.”

He takes a step and nearly crashes, catching himself on the doorframe.

“I’m fine,” he says again when Audrey grabs at him, pulling until he’s leaning against her instead of the wall.

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that. First thing we do after getting Duke back is taking you to the hospital,” she says firmly. Nathan makes a face. “And I saw that.”

“Fine,” he grumbles. “ _After_ we get Duke back.”

“I’m calling Dwight,” Audrey says, slowly leading the two of them out. “And you can put some clothes on. And then we’ll ask around. I doubt they dragged him away on foot - they must’ve had a car. Somebody might’ve seen something.”

Nathan laughs, a little harshly, stumbling. “It’s Haven. No one ever sees anything.”

“Hey,” Audrey says. She catches him by the jaw, iron grip, making him face her. “We’ll get him back.”

Nathan breathes out, letting the press of Audrey’s fingertips ground him, finds his feet.

“Yeah,” he says. “We will.”

**

“Where is the diamond?”

The punch catches him in the mouth, snapping his head back. Duke slowly straightens up, tasting blood.

“Man, that was _years_ ago,” he says. He runs his tongue over his teeth, checking. “You can’t hold a grudge that long.”

The next hit is aimed at his chest and he grunts as it connects. The chair he’s tied to stutters back a few inches, and there’s a shaky moment where he’s fighting gravity before it clatters back down on all four legs. He takes a long breath, filling his lungs. He doesn’t think any of his ribs are cracked yet.

“It’s bad for your chi,” he adds, loosening the fists he’s clenched his cuffed hands into.

“Where is it, Mr. Crocker? _”_ Tiny asks. “You can’t have had it in your possession for long, something with that price tag on it. Tell us who you sold it to.”

“No idea,” Duke says. “I was pretty hammered for most of ‘06.”

This time Ferret-Face hits him with an uppercut, right into his stomach, and the air knocks loose of him in a flood.

“I’m… sensing… some… anger… issues,” he pants out, blinking the room back into focus. “Is this some kind of… jealousy… thing? Your buddy making you… do all… the work while he… sits around?”

“Come on,” Tiny says. He’s been sharpening a blade for the last few minutes, a wicked-looking utility knife, and the rasping is starting to drive Duke crazy.  “We can do this all night, Mr. Crocker. Just tell us where the diamond is, and we’ll let you go.”

“Sure,” Duke says. “Then we’ll all go out for a drink after, yeah? Your treat?”

Tiny sighs. He pockets his whetstone and tugs his chair closer to Duke’s, scraping loudly on the concrete floor. The knife flicks between his fingers. “This is going to get very unpleasant, if you don’t cooperate.”

“Really?” Duke asks. “‘Cause it’s been a real peach so far."

The man rests his knife against Duke’s knee, pressing into the denim nearly too lightly to feel. He trails the tip of it around Duke’s kneecap in an idle circle. “You’re not getting out of this, you know. I don’t know why you’re stalling. Your boyfriend surely isn’t coming for you, Mr. Crocker. He’s still a little tied up, if you remember.”

“Yeah, well,” Duke spits out a mouthful of blood. “It’s my girlfriend you really gotta watch out for, anyway. I mean, Nate’s his own kind of crazy, but her? She’s ruthless.”

Over Tiny’s shoulder, Ferret-face blinks. “Your girlfriend?”

Duke nods, stopping as his head throbs. Tiny switches to his other knee, dragging the knifepoint up his thigh.

“You got a boyfriend, and a girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” Duke says, watching the blade. “And they’re not really big on letting things go, you should know.”

Tiny presses the knife down in one smooth motion and Duke bites around a hiss at the first cut, a startling, stinging wake burning across his thigh. The big guy makes a short gesture with his free hand, but Ferret-face pauses.

“Wait, wait, I’m still trying to figure this out,” he says, raising his hands, blood stained on his knuckles. “You got that dude, and some girl on the side?”

Duke clenches his teeth. “Look, it’s - “

“That’s messed-up, man,” Ferret-face continues. “It’s obvious he really loves you.”

Duke blinks, looking away from the knife. Ferret-face is looking at him in consternation. “He - yes, but I’m not - "

“I mean, he’s probably all worried about you being kidnapped and you’re _cheating_ on him? Low, man. Low.”

Tiny clears his throat. “Be that as it may - “

“I’m _not_ cheating on him.”

“Oh, so you’re cheating on her? It ain’t right, man.”

“I think we should probably focus -” Tiny starts, but this time Duke cuts him off.

“I’m not cheating on anybody. I’m with both of them, and they’re with each other. We’re all together, okay? Look, it’s not that complicated.”

Ferret-face frowns. “Like some kind of threesome thing?”

“Right,” Duke says. “But a bit more long-term.”

“Fucking _weird.”_

“Oh, sure,” Duke snaps. “ _You_ go around duct-taping guys to chairs and _seriously,_ man,” he says, glaring at Tiny, “the knifeplay thing is a _problem,_ but _we’re_ the weird ones.”

There’s a heartbeat of silence. They both stare at him.

“I’m just saying,” Ferret-face says finally, shrugging. “I can hardly remember _one_ anniversary.” He steps back from the two chairs, shaking out his hands and rolling up his sleeves.

Tiny shifts his grip on the knife, toying open the tear he’s made in Duke’s jeans with the dull side of the blade.

“Well, now that that’s settled,” he says, making a neat cut right across the first one, a perfect cross that immediately wells in red as Duke’s teeth clamp down on his tongue. “Mr. Crocker, why don’t you tell me _where the fucking diamond is?”_

**

Audrey drives. Nathan protests for about half a second before catching sight of her glare, then wisely takes his concussion and retreats to the passenger side of the Bronco.

It hadn’t been easy, but it had been quick. It had to be quick. The men might have been professionals, but they weren’t invisible - and Nathan didn’t have it quite right. In Haven, people see _everything._ It’s just a matter of getting them to talk. Audrey hadn’t hesitated in getting them to talk.

They had tracked sightings of a blue sedan through town until they found ground zero. Nathan had pried her off of a dockworker who had admitted, gasping around Audrey’s hands fisted in his lapels, that he’d rented his family’s fishing cabin to two shady strangers in suits for the next three days.

Still, Audrey thinks, her knuckles going white around the Bronco’s steering wheel. It all depends on if it was quick _enough._

She’d told Nathan he’d be fine, and it hadn’t been a reassurance, it had been a promise. One that Nathan had echoed with a squeeze of his hand around hers. Duke would be fine. Duke would be _fine._ He -

There’d be hell to pay if he wasn’t.

She kills the lights as they turn up on a dirt road. They’re on a little strip of beach she’s not all that familiar with, a half mile of sharp rocks and rough tides rising into steep bluffs. Squares of yellow light shine up ahead - a house on the cliffs. Audrey cuts the engine at the end of the parking lot. She and Nathan step out, guns drawn.

There’s a sharp breeze kicking up in the darkness, thick with salt and brine, rising into a howl. She feels Nathan go stiff beside her.

“Nathan?” she whispers. “Wh-”

Nathan just shakes his head, eyes distant as if he were listening to something she can’t hear. Audrey bites her lip.

“Come on,” she hisses, and leads the way.

Nathan breaks the pane of glass in the back door with his elbow, reaching inside to unlatch it. It’s a soft shattering sound, but no one comes to investigate. She steps in front of him into the house, leading with the muzzle of her gun.

_Up?_ she suggests with a wave of her hand.

Nathan shakes his head. His jaw is clenched as he waves at the floor. _Basement,_ he mouths.

Audrey nods, heading deeper in, searching for stairs. She just spots a latched door in the kitchen, when she hears. Voices rise from beneath them, too muffled to make out the words, followed by a dull _thump_ and a louder yell of “ _motherfucker, d-”_ that breaks off into a long, choked noise.

Nathan kicks open the door.

She bounds down the stairs on his heels, Nathan leaping the last few steps to land heavily on the concrete floor, gun raised.

“Haven PD,” Audrey snaps. “Hands up!”

She takes in the scene in a glance - there’s Duke, _god,_ alive, and a rope she hadn’t fully realised had been wound around her chest suddenly loosens its stranglehold. He’s tied to a chair, blood and sweat on his face, panting, but _alive._

Next to him, an enormous man startles out of his chair, rising and rising. Behind him, the other man flings his hands in the air.

“Holy _shit,”_ the smaller man says. “Is she your girlfriend?”

Duke laughs wetly. “Tried to warn you.”

“Put your hands _up,”_ Audrey snarls to the bigger man. In her peripherals she sees the line of tension in Nathan’s shoulders, his gun tracked on the other man. “And get _away_ from him.”

“Let’s not be hasty,” the big man says. His hands move upwards slowly, too slowly. He’s still hovering near Duke, close enough to make Audrey’s hackles raise. “Nobody needs to get hurt.”

Audrey doesn’t need to look at Nathan to know the way his eyes narrow, nostrils flaring, taking in Duke battered and bound, the smell of his blood in the stale cellar air. _Nobody needs to get hurt,_ but there he is, blood on his teeth.

“Back up or I shoot,” she warns, danger in her eyes. _Somebody already is hurt_ , she thinks, _and you’re next_. “Last chance.”

The other man moves, whip-quick for his size, lunging towards Duke. Something glints in his hand, metallic and sharp.

Audrey takes the shot. She clips the big man in the shoulder and he goes down with a heavy thud.

Nathan pounces on him, cuffing him with the spares he’d collected from the glovebox of the Bronco.

“Shouldn’t have taken him,” she hears him hiss, hand fisted in the back of the man’s jacket as he slams him face-first into the concrete floor.

The big man groans.

“Goddamn trouble, I said,” the other man whimpers. Audrey stalks over to him and his hands go higher in the air. “Don’t fucking shoot me!”

“Don’t tempt me,” she says. He goes easy when she frog-marches him over to some of the exposed pipes of the basement, cuffing him. Audrey sees the blood on his knuckles and her fingernails dig into her palms. “ _Really,_ don’t tempt me.”

She lets him go with a shove. She’s got more important things to do than filling out that paperwork, anyway.

She goes to Duke. His lip is starting to swell and there’s a nasty bruise on his cheek, jeans torn and bloody. He smiles up at her.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey yourself,” she answers, air leaving her lungs in a heavy sigh of relief as she kneels down next to him. She reaches up to brush one hand through his hair and Duke’s eyes slip closed. “Are you all right?”

“I’ve had better days, I’ll admit,” he says, leaning into her palm. “Of course, watching your whole cop routine was pretty sexy.”

His skin is warm under her hand. She lets her hand slide down to his neck, crooks it under his jaw, feels his pulse thumping away. _Safe. Alive._ Thank god.

“You shouldn’t scare us like that,” she says, and hears the catch in her own voice.

“You shouldn’t be scared,” he murmurs. “I had you two coming for me.”

Nathan appears at her side, resting a broad hand on Duke’s shoulder, very carefully. She sees his fingers curl, just a touch. “‘Course you did.”

Duke smiles, a flit of a thing, and then glares up at Nathan.

“Why are you even walking around?” he demands. He looks back at her. “He should be in a hospital bed.”

Audrey tilts his head gently, studying the bruises. “What was I gonna do, leave him tied up on the boat? You know how he gets.”

“You’re welcome for the rescue,” Nathan says, stepping around behind the chair to unlatch Duke’s cuffs.

“My knights in shining armour,” Duke agrees, letting out a sigh as his wrists are freed.

“Think that makes you the damsel in distress,” Audrey says, knuckles brushing over his cheek. She glances down on the floor, looking for - there’s the knife that the big guy dropped. She picks it up, intending to cut him loose, and glances up in time to see Duke flinch, slightly.

She looks down. There’s blood on the blade.

She waits, knife in hand, until Duke looks at her. “Let me get you out, Cinderella,” she says gently. “I already practiced on Nathan once tonight.”

He laughs. “If the glass slipper fits, I guess.”

They’re probably going to have to talk about it but - later. Later.

She cuts his ankles free and he stands, a bit shaky. Nathan comes up behind him, steadying him. She watches Duke lean into him.

“You need to get to a hospital,” he says gruffly.

“So do you,” Nathan shoots back.

_“Everyone_ is going to the hospital,” Audrey says.

“So fucking weird,” the smaller gunman groans, still chained to the pipe.

Three sets of eyes turn to glare at him. He lets out a small squeak, and wisely shuts up.

**

Later, much later, after the limp their way upstairs, after Nathan calls for back-up and the bad guys are collected, after Audrey insists on dragging both him and Nathan to the hospital and making them stay until the doctors say they’re good to go, the three of them stumble back to _The Rouge._

The upper deck is still a mess, chairs knocked over, scraps of duct tape lying on the floor, but they walk past it, keep going until they’re in Duke’s room, on his bed.

Audrey’s hands keep running over him, resting on pulse points: his wrists, his throat. Nathan can’t take his eyes off of him, needing to see him, and Duke obligingly lets him take off most of his clothes, bares his skin. He knows what this is: reaffirming, making sure that he’s alive, that he’s okay, that he’s here. He’s doing it too. His fingers tangle up in Audrey’s hair, mouth pressing against Nathan’s.

“Mine,” Audrey says, nearly a growl. “ _Ours,_ you’re ours, they can’t _take you.”_

“Yeah.” Duke huffs out a laugh, pulling both of them to him. He spreads out a hand flat against Nathan’s chest, his other splaying between Audrey’s shoulder blades. Feels the two heartbeats thrumming there in different tempos, under his palms. “That’s what I’ve been saying.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

Nathan thinks maybe he's going to have a heart attack, or at least burst a few capillaries, if she doesn't let up on him soon. Audrey's straddling his thighs in the Bronco, fingers in his hair, and she's been bouncing languidly on his lap for the better part of ten minutes. She isn’t any good at quickies anymore; says she wants to savor every second of his (of their) skin on hers. No rushing it.

But Nathan’s dying over here, vaguely aware of his open zipper biting into his thigh, thanks to Audrey's bare skin pressed everywhere on him and _hyper_ aware of the searing wet heat of her clenched around his cock. He's gritting his teeth, hands braced on her hips as he fights a losing battle to keep from throwing her down on the bench seat and setting the pace himself. He's not sure she knows he's torturing him but apparently it's clear to someone else because Duke taps abruptly on the metal door, clearing his throat like he's the beat cop and they're the horny teenagers.

Nathan wonders how long he's been standing there watching them and finds the idea gets him hotter than he ever would have admitted a few years ago. "There a problem here, officers?" Duke quips, leaning his arms on the open window with a wicked grin. He definitely doesn’t get to complain about them starting without him, not when he was supposed to meet them out here on the quiet, secluded bluffs fifteen minutes ago.

Audrey stretches her arms out on the dashboard behind her with a slow smile, nipples hard through her tank top. "Mm, what about this could possibly be a problem?"

Duke chuckles, pulling the door open and catching her face in his big hands. "Think you're killing Nathan, here, babe. You forget, Wonder Boy's all kinds of sensitive to you."

Normally Nathan would argue for the sake of argument but he just groans and rests his head against her breast, mouthing along whatever skin he can reach. Above his head, he can hear Duke and Audrey kissing, fingers raking through his hair so he knows they haven't forgotten about him. "Come on, I have an idea."

Nathan's mostly incoherent grunting turns to protests as Audrey somewhat reluctantly climbs off his lap into Duke's arms. "Mean. Get your own," he mumbles, dick pointing insistently at the windshield as he slumps over the steering wheel.

Audrey smacks the back of his head in a mostly ceremonial reprimand. Her boys have long since learned to share her attentions and each other, even if they balk at the idea sometimes. Nathan heaves a sigh as Duke manhandles them both over to the edge of the seat, his legs dangling off the bench, but perks up again when Audrey shuffles back into his lap. He grabs her hip and guides her back down onto him, perhaps a bit overzealously, and crosses his arms over her chest, chin digging into her shoulder.

It’s overwhelming, like she’s the definition of _heat_ and _soft_ and _intoxicating_ , but being buried inside Audrey is just the start. Nathan watches, hips bucking gently, as Duke drops to his knees and spreads her thighs with those big, graceful hands. Nathan may not be able to feel him but Duke knows how to get him off anyway: sight is a powerful sense, if his secret stash under the floorboards in Dad’s old cabin is anything to judge by. Audrey whimpers, squirming between them and Nathan strokes his thumb over her breast, shushing her.

“Shh, quiet now, Parker. Let him work.”

He watches as Duke draws his tongue around her clit and through her folds, wishing he could feel the wet drag of the other man’s mouth just a breath away from his cock. It’s deeply intimate, even in his constant state of not-quite-feeling, when Duke’s buried between her thighs and stroking Nathan’s sides and they’re all kind of strung together and strung out on each other.

Audrey hooks her legs over Duke’s shoulders with a groan, fisting her hands in his hair and babbling something about _yes_ and _my boys_. Curling his thumb in her tank top, he drags the thin fabric down to expose more of her soft, addictive skin, gooseflesh rising under his fingertips. He enjoys affecting her almost as much as he enjoys being affected by her.

“Duke- Duke, _Duke_ -” Her voice is strained and scratchy, and maybe it should bother him more that another man’s name on her lips gets him so close but Nathan doesn’t think he would be anymore turned on if it was his name she was crying instead of Duke’s.

To say they’re all three tangled up in his head is an understatement.

Nathan rocks his hips under her, one hand clenching on the steering wheel for balance and to keep from grabbing her too tightly, desperate for release. Duke’s probably got his fingers wrapped around the base of his cock, cocky bastard, and Nathan’s not going to come until they’re damn good and ready for him to.

Duke must be suffering almost as bad judging by the noises he’s muffling in Audrey’s thigh. From what Nathan can see, peering down over her shoulder, Duke’s cheeks are shiny and wet, his lips especially red and his chest is heaving, lungs probably burning. This is why Duke gets to go down on her more often: he can actually tell when he needs to come up for air, versus Nathan who would probably suffocate between her legs before he’d ever let go. He can always feel the wet, slippery slide of her on his lips and tongue but even with Audrey he can’t feel himself take a breath or feel his heart beating.

“Come on, Wuornos, give it some English,” Duke barks, still stroking her clit with his free hand.

He doesn’t need to be told twice, digging his thumbs into the small of her back until she bends forward obligingly, one hand bracing her on the open door and the other in Duke’s shirt. Nathan knows she’s probably slamming her eyes shut and making this adorable little face only Audrey is capable of making, part intense concentration and part total abandon.

The dark blue fabric of her shirt shifts down off her shoulder and he can hear Duke lapping at her breasts, no doubt sucking a strategically placed bruise on the delicate, tender flesh below her nipple. Right where only the three of them will ever see it. Duke must have finally taken pity on him because he’s only taken a few deep, agonizing thrusts before he’s coming inside her, head thrown back and mouth hanging open around a groan so loud it would be embarrassing if anyone but Duke and Audrey could hear it.

Audrey wriggles in his grip, kicking a foot out against the metal door and panting, her breath catching in her throat. “Nate-Nathan, _yesrightthere-boys-_ ” He must have been getting just the right spot before he lost control because she slumps back against his chest in blissful exhaustion not long after.

They’re still lying there, leaning on each other, Nathan with his nose buried in her hair, (she smells like salt and fall leaves and it’s his favorite scent in the world), when Duke finally manages to drag himself to his feet, nudging Audrey’s legs to either side of him. He rests his hands over his head on the top of the doorframe and for the first time, Nathan can see just how tight his jeans are. There’s a familiar phantom itch in his fingers, and he reaches out to hook them in Duke’s belt loops without even thinking about it. He may not be able to feel the weight of Duke’s cock in his hand but he can sure as hell see the affect he has on the other man.

Audrey lifts her legs up onto the seat and shifts back into the crook of his arm as he draws Duke as close as possible, her eyes cracked just enough to watch as he unzips Duke and pulls him free. Nathan knows she likes to watch almost as much as he does. _My boys_ , she always says.

Affectionate. Possessive.

Duke’s eyes drift shut too and Nathan savors the moment, the oddly solitary feeling of being the only one privileged enough to see them like this. His lovers, one sated and boneless, the other waiting in agony for relief. It’s probably a fumbling version of a handjob but, then again, he knows how to give himself a fairly efficient one and Duke never exactly complains about the end result.

Nathan drags a loose fist down a few times and swipes his thumb over the tip, trying not to get too formulaic. He’s inordinately proud when he’s rewarded with a stuttering moan from Duke, long eyelashes fluttering against those ridiculous cheekbones. “Nate, _fuck_ ,” he keens, hips jerking involuntarily.

When Nathan glances down again, there’s come spattered all over his fingers and his wrist. Audrey reaches up to run her fingers across his cheek with a smirk, her thumb grazing his lip so he can feel the muscles of his face tugging into a small smile. He huffs a laugh, not the least surprised when she kisses the smile from his face, tongue slipping easily in his mouth.

Nathan could write all three of them up for all kinds of indecent exposure right now, but he’s pretty sure he couldn’t bring himself to care if the whole goddamn town was standing there on the bluff watching. Duke’s running his fingers through Audrey’s hair, tweaking her nipples like he just can’t help himself, and, if Nathan watches out of the corner of his eye, he’s vaguely aware of him stroking his collarbone too. He has to pay extra close attention to notice when Duke touches him like that but he’s getting pretty adept at interpreting touch-via-sight.

The sound of someone clearing their throat crackles over the police radio and Nathan’s instantly alert, wiping his hand on Duke’s shirt and scrabbling for the radio.

“Uh, Nathan, sugar?”

“Yep, I’m here, Laverne,” he says in that stern, Wuornos voice that sets Duke and Audrey to muffled giggling as they set about straightening each other’s clothes.

“Yeah, I know, hon. Your radio’s been turned on the last ten minutes or so.”

If it’s possible to hear someone blush, Nathan’s completely positive he can hear Laverne turn beet red.

At the very least, he’s certain he’s a brilliant shade of tomato himself.

“...what?” he asks after a beat, voice cracking.

Before Laverne can attempt to soothe his horror, Gloria’s voice pipes in with, “Ladies and gentlemen, this has been your local Haven radio station with the latest _Officers Hanky & Panky Meet Captain Crocker_ serial. Tune in again next week for-” There’s a peal of laughter before she’s cut off, but the damage is done.

Audrey’s about as red as Nathan knows he must be, but even she has a hand clamped over her mouth, eyes bright with horrified laughter, and Duke’s rubbing at his face like he can scrub off the humiliation but his shoulders are shaking too. Nathan flicks the radio off, thunking his head against the steering wheel.

“I-it’s not funny, you two.”

“It’s a little funny,” Duke mumbles, reaching down to tuck himself back in and zip up his pants, like he’s feeling a bit exposed now.

“I must have bumped it when I was leaning on the dash,” Audrey peeps from behind her hand, not even trying to hide her giggling, even if she is going to suffer as much teasing as he is from this.

Nathan groans, shaking his head. “We’re going to have to move. We’ll go on the run.”

Duke chuckles, tugging Nathan’s chin up and pasting on a very serious face. “Are you going to recover from the humiliation? Do we have to put you out of your misery?”

“Please do. Ohhh god, Laverne heard this. I-I’ve known her since I was a _kid_. She’s like a-like my _grandmother_. Christ-”

Duke and Audrey both shake their heads at him as she climbs over onto the seat and Duke walks around the front of the truck to climb in. “Don’t even talk to me. There’s a police radio at the _Gull_. Nina’s going to have a field day with this one,” Duke grumbles, slinging an arm up behind Audrey.

Nathan’s too distracted by his mortification to even question why Duke has a police radio at the _Gull_. (It’s for checking up on them, obviously. And so he can make himself scarce when Dwight is sending an officer down to harass him.)

Nathan just complains about what is doubtless going to be their newfound notoriety all the way back to town. Duke and Audrey attempt to pat his knee and mutter soothing lies like, “maybe some of the radios shorted out again and only the office really heard,” until they manage to drag him into Rosemary’s and shut him up with pastries and prying, public ears.

There’s some catcalling around the office for the next week or two but it’s not as if they’re the first officers to get caught with their pants down on the job, so to speak, (although Nathan is quick to point out that they weren’t actually on the clock, a fact which doesn’t affect Dwight’s eagerness to forget the incident altogether.) They might be the first _polyamorous_ officers to get caught, but even that isn’t the weirdest thing Haven’s seen this year. Or even this week.

So it blows over eventually and, you know, Nathan thinks, maybe it even did them some good. Once the mortification fades, the shock seems to fade as well. They even get Christmas cards addressed to all three of them that year from several other officers and Laverne starts sending Audrey home with trays of cookies and instructions to make sure “her boys are keeping some meat on those bones.”

There are still looks, sure, that linger too long to be friendly, the occasional muttered comment or clueless tourist, but nowadays most of the locals seem to be on their side. Nina over at _The Gull_ drops a lapful of Mai Tais on one particularly vocal customer, and when a flirting deputy from the next county over seems determined to ignore Nathan’s stammered explanation of his relationship, it’s one of the Haven PD officers who chases her off with a firm, “He’s _taken_.”

At the end of the day, it’s nice to have the town mostly on their side for once, but it’s the easy feeling when it’s just the three of them that makes Nathan happiest. For all he cares, the Guard can bitch about his continued survival, the townies can gossip and whisper, but as long as Duke and Audrey are safe and happy, (well, happy for Haven), and as long as they’re _his_ , things are good in his book.

Haven’s always going to be a small town but then, they’re never going to be the weirdest thing in Haven.

 


End file.
